I have never worn jeans so much in the summer.
My summer wardrobe has barely emerged from the depths of the closet. When the sun was peeking out one morning, I reached for shorts. And by the time my hand was on them the weather had returned to a dull grey. I settled on jeans, a T-shirt and . . . a down vest. A down vest . . . in August.
I’m also left questioning why I got my air conditioner serviced this year. Worse than not using my central air, I’ve been restraining myself from turning on the furnace. As I sit here wearing snuggly socks, cuddling a cup of tea, I am again mourning the lack of hot summer weather.
This is typically when someone chimes in with a “global warming? Bull roar!” (Granted they don’t actually say “roar,” but you get the picture). This weather is truly sad.
Yes, another week of summer has gone by with barely the opportunity to cut the lawn before the next rainfall hits (and I’m still waiting to hear frost warnings some mornings).
Regardless, I’m going to focus on the silver linings.
We aren’t getting nasty sunburns or sweating in places we’d rather not admit.
We are being environmentally friendly by not using our fans or air conditioners.
We aren’t forced to show off bellies and butts that didn’t shed all the weight we wanted to before bathing suit season.
We are saving money by not running those cooling devices and by not buying new swimsuits to show off our “new” figures, since there are so few days that would merit a bathing suit.
Small consolations, I know, but at times like this it is always best to look on the sunny side. Puns aside, I want the sun to kiss my face and warm my skin, not to mention dry out my lawn enough to mow it.
Where are the days of summer when we all sit around thinking that it is even too hot to think?
Where are the days that our ice cubes melt in our drinks before we sit back down in our lawn chairs?
Where are the days when a child climbs up onto your lap to read a book and you worry that you won’t be able to unstick them from your lap after the story?
Where are the days that we catch ourselves saying, “I miss winter,” and actually mean it?
The current weather is robbing us of the time-honoured tradition of complaining about how hot we are, and how we can’t peel off another layer, since all we have left is our skin.
I know I am not the only one lamenting our cool summer, but I have noticed many of you facing this climactic transgression with a brave face; swimming in waters as cold as the water cooling the beer in your coolers, barbecuing wearing the next thing to parkas, and shivering in tents, convincing your families that this is great because there are fewer bugs.
I salute you for this.
I also salute myself for not booking a camping trip months in advance this year, forcing me to suffer in a tent when I would rather be snuggling in bed under a down comforter.
In the absence of a camping trip this year, I’m getting creative finding ways to make my-self think it is summer.
I’m daydreaming about hot sunny places that I’ve visited, focusing on equatorial destinations in the heat of their summers.
I travel through sweltering memories of the Valley of the Kings in Egypt, the Amazon jungle in Peru, the salt flats in Bolivia, the Taj Mahal in northern India, and countless Caribbean beaches.
I’ve also started putting hot sauce on my food–so that at least my mouth feels heat.
Perhaps more extreme measures are required, recognizing that I won’t have the chance to get on an airplane this month to find warmer weather.
In previous years, I might have considered going tanning, but now that the World Health Organization’s Agency for Research on Cancer has labelled indoor tanning beds a definite cause of cancer (upgraded from probable cause), I won’t be heading to get a hit of UVA/UVB that way. Instead I am upping my vitamin D levels by taking my son’s chewable multivitamins.
I have to make this weather work to my advantage.
Would anyone like to join a weather pool and we can wager when we’ll get a day over 30 C? The further out we put the wager dates, the better we’ll feel about not having a truly great day before then.
As I ponder other options to squeeze some warmth out of summer, excuse me while I go run a dark wash. I have a feeling I’ll be needing my jeans again soon.